Owner’s Manual
The Manslato_AI™ is a precision instrument that translates what your partner says into what your partner means. It is accurate roughly half the time, which is science’s way of saying “a coin, but confident.”
It is powered by a small artificial intelligence that has never been in a relationship and, based on its answers, never will be. When the library runs dry it invents new translations on the spot, which is also how rumors work.
- This is a joke. If a translation describes your relationship with unsettling precision, that is a coincidence — and also, are you okay?
- Nothing here is advice. The Manslator is legally a toy and emotionally a menace.
- Do not read results aloud to your partner “to prove a point.” The Manslator has seen how that ends and will not testify on your behalf.
- After Dark 🌙 says swears and worse. Do not open it at work, in church, or within eyeshot of your mother-in-law.
- The 🎲 button generates a fresh translation. The machine does not get funnier the angrier you are at it. It gets funnier the angrier it is at you.
- Submissions are reviewed by one human with one password and limited patience. Be funny or be gone.
- Use at your own risk. Documented risks include: snorting in a quiet room, sending the wrong screenshot, and being perceived.
MODEL LV-100 · WARRANTY STATEMENT
This device is warranted against nothing. The warranty is void if you: use it, share it, think about it, or fall in love.
No refunds. You didn’t pay anything. If the Manslator ends your relationship, the relationship was load-bearing humor and you both knew.
Complaints may be submitted directly into the void, which is also our support portal. Return to the device →